"Speaking the Truth in Love..."

If I could italicize the "in Love" part of my title, believe me--I would have! It NEEDS to be emphasized.

The world today is beyond challenging for anyone, but especially for a Christian who seeks to follow and live out the truths in the Bible. With each passing day it appears that we are living in the days of Romans 1, where the creation is being worshipped more than the Creator, and perhaps even the early stages of the end times as laid out in Revelation, where good is seen as evil and evil seen as good.

The other day, I was reminded of this sobering reality after browsing Facebook for less than 5 minutes. It broke my heart to see fellow professing Christians engaging in a social media dispute just like unbelievers do. In the heat of the moment, I was tempted to join in and comment myself. But then I heard the Holy Spirit cautioning, so that I would not "answer a fool according to his folly" (Proverbs 26:4). Instead, I decided to take a step back and determine why I was truly bothered by the post. Was it because I disagreed? Was it because I agreed? Was it because I knew the people involved and felt led to defend a friend? No. The answer to all was no. So I kept thinking, and it struck me like a ton of bricks that I was mad at how it all was said. (Talk about being a stereotypical girl! haha)

But it was true. My dad's words flooded my mind, words he had spoken to me countless times during my childhood and teenage years: "Abstain from all appearance of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Now, let me be careful here to clarify that I do not believe the people in the Facebook dispute are evil or were necessarily being evil. The verse uses the clarifier, "appearance," strategically here. So I want to take some time to unpack this truth, because I believe it is the key to "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15), especially in today's world.

The word appearance refers to perspective. As an English teacher, I find perspective rather difficult to teach students sometimes because it is deeper than simply point of view (limited, omniscient, first, third, etc.). Perspective combines point of view with worldview; but it doesn't always combine them well. Here's what I mean. Sometimes, we observe a situation and instantly feel an emotion towards whatever it is we just observed. Where did that emotion come from? Was it from our beliefs, our convictions, our worldview? Or was it from a pet peeve, a trigger from past trauma, a fear or a hope? My point is, rarely do our emotions always align with our worldview. And what's worse is sometimes they do align, but we are the ones who fail to communicate properly that alignment, that harmony.

The person who made the Facebook post did just this, I believe. Everything said was true and from a legitimate worldview and place of conviction. Since I know this person, I would say that their emotions were aligned as well. We are told in Scripture to "be ye angry and sin not" (Ephesians 4:26). Righteous anger was tricky for me to understand growing up. What exactly am I, as a Christian, allowed to be angry at? Anything that makes God angry; anything that opposes His holiness and righteousness. So again, the poster had every right to be angry at what was observed because it was indeed against a biblical worldview and made God angry.

But . . .

It's time we return to that word word perspective. How is the observer supposed to know what occurred prior to the incident? Not to mention any further past history that would explain human behavior and actions. So, what I was reminded of during this entire Facebook post and debate situation was how vital it is to maintain perspective. And when I maintain perspective, meaning considering other perspectives than my own, the Holy Spirit should move me to a point of pity and sympathy. I should be able to extend grace. When Christ saw what people were doing in the streets and cities, often Scripture records how He was "moved with compassion" (Matthew 9:36). If we claim to be followers of Christ, then we too ought to be moved.

And finally, that word appearance. In high school, there were many times I did something that honestly was not bad, sinful, evil, or even shady. Nonetheless, somebody at my church or school would mention it to my dad, who would then talk me through the situation from that person's perspective. I remember gasping and even crying at the thought of actually having done what it looked like I had done. My first reaction was, "So what? They need to mind their own business. As long as I'm not really doing something sinful then what's the big deal? Didn't you teach me to not care what other people thought?" And that one was hard for me. Because I had been taught that. But it was more like, don't let other people make you feel any less than what you really are.

So, needless to say, I struggled with this concept a lot in high school, but much less my freshman year of college. Yet I had one friend who finally pulled me aside towards the end of my sophomore year and told me that I needed to cut it out. I needed to fix my words and be more considerate of others. I was so confused because it wasn't like I was gossiping or interrupting people. I was simply being as truthful and transparent with people as possible. But that was just it. I was speaking truth alright but with nothing to cushion the blow or show that I actually cared about the person I was speaking to.

When I read that Facebook post, there was no indication that the writer cared for the individual. They claimed to later in their replies to people's comments, and I'm sure they did; but it was the word choice that removed any room for compassion. A common phrase Christians say is to "hate the sin; love the sinner." If we as Christians observe something in our daily lives that appears to be sinful, and we are overwhelmed with righteous anger, then I believe it is fine to speak out, to share truth about the situation! But we need to remember that the people involved are sinners. The people you're going to share your observation with are also sinners, who have most likely done what you observed.

So are we supposed to just become so loving that we never share truth? Are we supposed to mirror today's culture where anybody is accepted and allowed to do whatever they want and we should not judge anyone for anything because it's their life and their choice and their journey etc. etc. etc. I could go on and on and on . . . The answer? "God forbid!" - Paul, the Apostle. We, who have been saved by grace, should not return to a lifestyle of sin and follow the sinfulness of this world. Instead, we should speak out and speak the truth!

Well, how can we be bold and still loving with truth at the same time?

Read John 4. Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. Look at how he treats her. Follow the progression of their conversation. Does he boldly confront her sin and call her names and call on others to execute punishment? No.

1. He speaks to her. Jews did not speak to Samaritans, especially men to women. (Research more here.) So just by speaking to her, he is showing her respect.

2. He asks her to help him with some water. People who hate other people do not allow them to help them.

3. He begins a spiritual conversation. He makes a few comments and asks a few questions to get her thinking about the Old Testament prophecies, about the Messiah.

4. He offers her living water. He explains the Gospel to her and reveals that he is the Messiah.

5. She is overwhelmed and excited.

6. He confronts her sin, gently, by simply mentioning it. He tells her to repent and believe.

7. He continues to teach her and the people of her town (that she had gathered to come hear the Messiah).

My recommendation to Christians, whether during a conversation or when considering a post on social media: remember to keep perspective and abstain from all appearance of evil.

If we take the time to remember those two things and actually listen to the Holy Spirit, then I believe He will grant us the words to speak the truth in love. For this specific incident, I believe the poster could have simply shared the topic that they observed in general terms and expressed how frustrated they were to see it so frequently today. They should have acknowledged that exceptions exist, and we don't always know what's happening in a person's life. Overall, I believe the person was righteously angry at seeing something against a biblical worldview and wanted to share that frustration with others. But because the person failed to acknowledge the person, who is a sinner, it caused those who read the post to feel sympathy for the person and even personally attacked and judged since they had done the same or similar.

Jesus could have easily said, "Ew lady. You're an adulterer, and I'm the Messiah. Get away. Unclean! Unclean! Disciples, help! There's a lady here who needs to be removed from my presence." But He didn't. So we shouldn't call people names or use loaded phrases and terms that fail to consider the person behind the actions, the soul that needs Jesus. A pastor I know often says, "You may be the only Jesus people meet." And I think that's what my dad meant all those years, and what my friend in college meant. I should care about abstaining from all appearance of evil because I claim the name of Christ. How many people did I push away from Christianity because of the way I said something? How many people figured being a Christian wasn't worth it because I acted the same as them (or they thought I did because of the way it looked)?

Our testimony is extremely important. We may never have a platform or podium to speak from, but every time we talk with someone or even type something, we had better be bold and brave enough to speak the truth, yet humble and caring and wise enough to do so, like Christ did, in love.