Godly Women in the 21st Century

A different take on the Proverbs 31 Woman . . .

In recent history, there seems to be this opinion that only two types of women exist; and there are only two types to choose from or aspire to become. They are both extremes, and extremely opposite. So, to paraphrase my dad, "You don't want to be in either ditch; and if you're currently in one, don't run over and jump in the other ditch. Neither is correct. You need to be on the road in order to make any progress, in order to reach your destination." So, let's start by identifying those two extremes, and then we'll examine what Scripture says, since God's Word is the source of all absolute truth.

One extreme is the hyper-conservative view that says a truly biblical woman is one who focuses her entire life and energy on being a wife, a mom, a cook, and a housekeeper. She does not have a job or a career, and she has several children. She is quiet, submissive, and meek.

The other extreme is the hyper-liberal view that says the Bible is outdated--that women don't need a man, don't need to have children whether married or not, and they should not be judged for working a job or even establishing a career that is equal to or superior to a man's. She should not be the only one in a marriage expected to cook or to clean. She is loud, independent, and fierce.

There are several pieces of truth and falsehood in both extremes, according to the Bible. And so, let's look at what the Bible says regarding this topic.

First, let's start with the most popular passage: Proverbs 31. Please take a moment to open your Bible and read each verse in connection with these truths about a godly woman. Really take the time to think about each . . .

• This woman makes her family her priority. (v. 13-15, 21)

• This woman is also independent. (v. 13-15, 22, 30)

• This woman is a wife and a mom. (v. 15, 21, 28)

• This woman is also a business owner. (v. 16-19, 24)

• This woman is quiet & meek. (v. 15, 20, 25-26)

• This woman is also strong & fierce. (v. 25-26, 30)

• This woman is submissive. (v. 12, 30)

• This woman is also treated like a partner. (v. 11)

Perhaps the greatest downfall I see in the church and Christian circles surrounding this topic is clearly identifying what it means to be a godly woman. Too often, Christians teach "what" they believe determines if someone is a godly woman or not, and not often enough do Christians teach "why" God believes a woman is godly or ungodly. We need to remember that Proverbs 31 is "descriptive rather than prescriptive" (Frederick, 33).

This Proverbs 31 woman wants to make her family her priority. She is not forced to. We know this because the text says her husband trusts her and treats her like an equal; he even praises her! This Proverbs 31 woman is willing to rise so early in the morning that it is still dark in order to take care of her family AND maintain her business endeavors.

Now, to us 21st century women that may sound harsh like, "Why do I get to sleep less to have both?" Well, I think much of that aspect may have to do with the culture, and the fact that the husband's career usually took all day; so he was gone all day, and it usually took place out in the field or in the heart of the city, which would be a great deal of walking (and therefore time). It is appropriate to factor in these cultural changes, like spouses who work the early shift or the late shift or a few straight days of intense hours and then a few days completely off. We have cars and subways that can quickly transport us from our homes to our place of work. Life has indeed changed. What hasn't changed, however, is the truth.

The truth is that our family should still be our number one priority, for both men and women.

I make this claim because of Genesis 2, the second most popular passage about women. But before I transition to Eve, I want to finish my last thought. My point is that the Proverbs 31 woman, within her cultural norms, chose to sleep less because that was how she saw it possible to maintain her business endeavors while keeping her family her number one priority. (Notice also that much of her income from her business endeavors went to her family; but she also had nice clothes for herself! So treating yourself to something you worked hard for is OK! She just made sure her family was taken care of first, and then she pampered herself with what she had left.)

The application for us all, even in the 21st century culture, is that we need to figure out how we can maintain our independence and personal business endeavors or hobbies without letting them take priority in our lives. So, if that means sleeping less, then so be it. Or, if that means working out a schedule with our husbands so that he helps with some of the housework on his days off, then that works! If one of you can't seem to remember which clothing items can't go in the dryer because they'll shrink, and the other one can't iron to save their life, then you both should just own the chore that you can successfully do and complete it for the both of you. Maybe make the rule that whoever cooks doesn't clean up. Find--what--works--for--you. Just keep your family the priority.

Now, I said that the root of my claim for this #1 Truth from the Proverbs 31 woman comes from Genesis 2, Eve. John MacArthur begins his book, 12 Extraordinary Women, with Eve; and he continues to reference her throughout (even while discussing other women). Similarly to how everything we know about life can be traced back to what we know about God and who He is, everything we know about women can ultimately be traced back to Eve and what we know about why God created woman in the first place.

The first description Eve is given is helper or help-meet. The Hebrew word is ezer. MacArthur as well as the article I linked to the word explains that this word is only used 21 times in the Old Testament: twice for Eve, three times for powerful nations, and SIXTEEN times for God. Whenever referring to those powerful nations or God, ezer is a military term that implies savior or rescuer. David refers to God as his ezer often in the Psalms. And since many of his Psalms were written while he was running for his life from Saul, I can't help but imagine how comforting it was to know God was not only fighting the battle with him but the one that would rescue him from the battle. And for God to honor women with a title, an attribute, that He Himself holds, is just awing. It should make us go, WOW! This honor is also proof that men AND women are made in God's image (even though God already made that claim in Genesis 1:26-28 where the word "man" in Hebrew is referring to humanity--NOT a male human.)

Dear Christian Women, you were created by God to be someone's EZER -- SAVIOR, RESCUER.

And I want to be clear, here. While the intent of God was for each man to marry a woman, the New Testament does teach us that some men and women are called to celibacy for the cause of Christ. I do not fully understand that, but I believe it. So, to the single Christian woman I ask: who are you being an ezer to anyways? Is there someone in your church, a niece or nephew, maybe a student, or a friend who needs somebody to help them, to rescue them?

The Proverbs 31 woman is not a list of attributes meant to be "an ultimate standard for me to strive for [but] rather . . . something the gospel produces in my heart" (Frederick, 33). It's all about "why" and not "what." The "why" produces the "what. It's a God-thing, not a me-thing. I will always fail to be a godly woman if I strive to meet that standard in my own strength. But because I have faith in the Gospel and have accepted Jesus Christ's free gift of salvation, He has changed my heart and my desires; He gave me the gift of the Holy Spirit at the moment of salvation, and the Holy Spirit gives me the strength to press on to reach that standard, the power to say no more and more to sin and my own selfish desires.

Each and every day, God by Jesus through the Holy Spirit helps me to become more and more like the woman I was intended to be--like the first woman God created--and the woman I will be one day in Heaven.

The books I referenced are:

• Wife in Pursuit: 31 Daily Challenges For Loving Your Husband Well by The 31 Day Pursuit Challenge and author Selena Frederick.

• 12 Extraordinary Women: How God Shaped Women of the Bible and What He Wants to Do with You by John MacArthur