Forgiven -> Restored

Feel free to watch the intro video on how I decided to write this post. The post itself is longer than my other posts have been because the topic is much more sensitive, and people have differing opinions even within Christian circles; so I wanted to walk you through my thought process and research before just giving you my conclusion. Thank you for understanding and reading it in its entirety.

THE BEGINNING

The bell rang for class to dismiss one day, and a student stayed behind to chat. She asked if I would help her make a decision since she knew I believed in the Bible and knew it well (which, by the way, was a huge encouragement for me as a teacher to hear!). I said that I would do my best. She proceeded to tell me that her dad had reached out to her and apologized for how he left her when she was younger and wanted to meet her and become a part of her life. She said that her initial feelings were confusion and then anger, but there was still a part of her that wanted him to be a part of her life. So she asked if the right thing to do was to just "forgive and forget" -- to act like nothing had happened and just start calling him 'dad' and hanging out and everything. I sighed deeply while my brain was racing through Scripture and the words to form into my response.

I started with my personal life. Since she was vulnerable enough to share her personal life, I felt like I owed her that much. Instead of just quoting a few Bible verses at her, I wanted to help her really understand how to put those verses into practice. So I told her that I have two people in my life that I have forgiven, but only one of them has a relationship with me. The one person who sinned and wronged me and hurt me never acknowledged the behavior as sin or apologized. In college, I realized the bitterness I had developed for that person, and in time the Lord helped me to forgive this person. I do not, however, have a relationship with that person. The other person who sinned and wronged me fully acknowledged the behavior as sin and apologized. Not only did this person apologize, but this person repented. I explained to her that there is a difference: an apology is what someone offers when they feel remorseful for what they did or how their actions affected others; repentance, however, is a biblical term. In the Greek, the word for repent is metanoeho. It literally means to stop one's actions because of your abhorrence towards the wrong you have done. A common interpretation is to stop, to turn around 180 degrees, and proceed in the opposite direction. I explained to her that the metaphor here is to stop sinning, turn from your sin, and follow the Lord in righteousness. So the person in my life who has repented, which I know because there was a definite "stop" at a particular point in that person's life where the sin stopped and obedience to God began (and has continued!)--that person, has a relationship with me to this very day.

Her natural question after that was how she would know if her dad had stopped sinning and was obeying God (since they haven't had a relationship for most of her life). I smiled and said, "Only one way to find out." She smiled and lowered her head. I clarified that going to see him did not automatically mean she had to call him 'dad' or that things would be completely normal or that she had to hang out with him and his new family on a regular basis. I also cautioned that if he and his family do not follow God and participate in behaviors that she would not want to participate in because she believes in God, then she would need to be honest with him--tell him that she is a Christian and cannot participate in those behaviors. She nodded like she understood and said thank you.

It wasn't until after she left, however, that I had an epiphany. A word flooded my mind. A word that, only the Holy Spirit could have brought to mind, and it would not leave. It was like it was plastered across every memory file in my brain so that I struggled to think on anything but this word . . .

R E S T O R A T I O N.

I couldn't handle it any longer, so I began thinking and researching, trying to understand why that word came to mind. I thought that we were talking about forgiveness, not restoration. She wasn't asking me about salvation, what happens when a human puts their faith and trust in Christ alone. We were talking about how one human forgives another human and what that means or how they should act around them.

Then I instantly thought of Genesis to John, and all became clear.

THE FACTS

In Genesis 3, Adam & Eve sinned.

Their sin separated them from God.

When it was time to walk with God in the cool of the garden, they were hiding; they wanted to be far away from God because they had sinned.

Their sin required death, payment, punishment.

But God showed them grace and mercy. He killed a lamb instead of them.

*While many view God telling Adam & Eve to leave the Garden of Eden as a punishment, I agree with BlueLetterBible commentaries that it was actually an act of mercy. For if they remained in the garden and ate from the Tree of Life, they would forever be separated from God with no way of being RESTORED.

There's that word again! So I kept flipping in my Bible . . .

Genesis 4 details the story of Cain and Abel.

What I never realized before is that Cain was the first human to know about God, what to do as a family who believes in God, and yet reject God.

The end of the chapter, though, brings hope.

"And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, 'God has appointed[g] for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.' To Seth also a son was born, and he called his name Enosh. At that time people began to call upon the name of the Lord." (Genesis 4:25-26).

So as I'm studying Genesis, I'm reminded of some things from my counseling mentor: all of life's problems and questions are rooted in who God is.

• God is holy AND just.

• God cannot tolerate sin because He is holy; therefore, sin must be punished because God is also just.

• God is also love, grace, and mercy.

• God loved Adam & Eve so much that they found grace in His sight, and He extended mercy by killing the lamb in their place. He also promised Eve one of her offspring would be the ultimate lamb to defeat all sin (Genesis 3:15).

• Cain rejected God and chose to sin. Not just one time, though. The New Testament provides more clarity on someone who sins versus someone who makes a practice of sinning (1 John 3:4-10), continually choosing their way instead of God's way.

Genesis 6:1-3 makes it clear that humanity continually practiced that which was "wicked" rather than that which was righteous. A descendent of Seth and Enosh, a man named Noah, "found grace in the eyes of the Lord" (Genesis 6:8). God again extended mercy to humanity.

Let's fast forward to Genesis 11--to Abraham, a man originally called Abram from Ur. He did not live a life that followed the Lord, yet he, too, found grace in God's eyes. God called Abram to leave his home and go somewhere else because he would become the father of a great nation. Paul teaches us in Romans 3 that it was Abraham's faith and obedience (which evidenced his faith) that resulted in his salvation. Despite the grace extended by God, Abraham still sinned. But every time, he repented and continued to follow the Lord.

In Exodus we see the life of Moses. He too was called by God, chose to follow God, sinned against God, repented and continued to follow God.

David, the great king of Israel, sinned a LOT; yet he is still called a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). We read the Psalms and know that David continually acknowledged his sin, repented, and continued to follow God.

Then we get to the New Testament, to Jesus--the second Adam (1 Corinthians 15:22, 45-49) and the true King the Old Testament prophecies spoke of (which Matthew proves in Chapter 1).

Jesus is the ultimate example of forgiveness because He forgave all of humanity of their sins, regardless of if they would place their faith in Him. It's that forgiveness of sin that provides restoration, that allows humanity to have a restored relationship with God. That's why God said to "forgive one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).

So while I'm researching and wrestling with understanding the connection "restoration" has with "forgiveness" the Holy Spirit hits me with this truth -------

The intent of forgiveness is to restore the relationship.

THE HARD TRUTHS

It takes both people wanting to restore the relationship in order for restoration to occur. Christ WANTS a relationship with each and every human being. He wanted it so badly He died in our place. We have to want it too in order for their to be a restored relationship, though. If we choose not to accept His free gift of salvation, then we are the ones not working to restore the relationship. And it should be us! Because we are the ones at fault. We are the ones who sin. We are the ones who broke the relationship in the first place.

So then why is it that we get so surprised when another human being sins against us? Why is it so hard for us to forgive?

I dare say it's because far too few people have a restored relationship with Christ.

And I know, that's walking into dangerous territory saying that some people who claim to be saved may not actually be saved. But I have to wonder, right?

If the Bible says that believers, saved people, are to forgive people because Christ forgave us, yet people who claim to be born again don't want to truly forgive others, then have they really experienced Christ's forgiveness? Do we not want to share that which has been given to us in Christ? When we're saved, do we not long to share our testimony with someone? Or when the Lord answers prayer, do we not want to share His goodness with others? Then why do we not want to share the ability to forgive?

Let me be clear that forgiveness is not the same as restoration. And if a relationship is not restored, it does not mean that you have not forgiven the person. Like I said, I forgave the one person in my life, but that person still refuses to repent; so we cannot have a restored relationship. But if you have forgiven someone, and they have repented, have you both gone your separate ways or are you seeking a restored relationship with that person?

A friend of mine, when I asked about this topic, commented that if it weren't for the fact that we both kept reaching out to check on each other, we most likely would not be friends today.

This friend from college had wronged me, and things were awkward for a while. It separated us. We did not communicate or fellowship every day like we had previously. After some time and personal spiritual growth, the friend came to me and apologized. Not only did this friend apologize, but this friend checked in on me from time to time. Not in a pushy way to try to return to normal as if nothing had happened--just to check on me. This friend acknowledged that there was no way to return to normal, but that didn't mean we couldn't find a new normal. I didn't want this friend out of my life, so I replied. We agreed to have dinner once a week to catch each other up on life and check in. Sometimes it was awkward, and sometimes it was just what we needed! The Lord is so good. Today, five years later, we still check in every now and then. We aren't the best of friends talking every day, but we're still strong friends.

The relationship now has some restrictions it didn't have before, but we did not abandon the relationship. We worked to restore it. And it only worked because God had forgiven us both, and His Spirit lived inside both of us telling us both to seek each other and restore the relationship.

So again I ask: Are you seeking a restored relationship with that person? Are you approaching them? That's what Jesus did, after all. "We love Him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). He found people, like the woman at the well, when He said He "must needs go through Samaria" (John 4). He called people, like everyone I previously listed as my Old Testament examples. So now let's look at some New Testament examples . . .

Pick any of the disciples. Jesus approached them. He called them to follow Him, and they did so by faith.

The disciple that strikes me the most concerning this topic, however, is Peter.

Peter, a man in the inner three of Jesus' disciples.

Peter, a man bold enough to swear his allegiance to Christ. (Matthew 26:35)

Peter, a man who wielded a sword to defend Christ. (Matthew 26:51)

Peter, a man who denied Christ. (Matthew 26:69-75)

Peter, a man who betrayed Christ and returned to his former life. (John 21:3)

I don't know about you, but if somebody did all that to me, I would have a really REALLY hard time forgiving them. But what did Christ do?

THE HOPE

Christ loved Peter.

Christ sought Peter.

Christ forgave Peter.

Christ called Peter.

Christ charged Peter.

Christ empowered Peter.

The rest of John 21 is just beautiful.

Peter and the disciples had gone fishing, and Jesus comes to them. We're all expecting Jesus to rebuke Peter for betraying Him, or at least point a finger and say "I told you." But no. Jesus simply asks Peter,

"Lovest thou me?"

Peter said, "Yea, Lord. Thou knowest I love thee."

Jesus' reply: "Feed my sheep."

THREE times this conversation occurred. Just like when Peter denied Christ THREE times.

Only something else happened in this conversation.

Peter decided to go back to his old life, to go fishing, after Jesus' death.

He didn't know what to do now that Jesus had died.

He didn't know what he could do now that he had betrayed Jesus.

He believed he was only capable, only worthy, of going back to what he knew--fishing.

So here, in the early morning hours around a campfire (similar to when Peter denied Christ), Jesus gives Peter his purpose, his calling, his charge.

Jesus entrusted Peter with teaching other people about Him.

Would you trust someone who had wronged you so greatly with something so precious to your heart? Most likely, no. But this extension of love demonstrated to Peter not only that Jesus had forgiven him, but that their relationship was restored! It would look different, sure; but it was restored!

Jesus was not shocked that Peter sinned.

He is not shocked when we sin.

We need to stop being so shocked when others sin.

We are all sinners (Romans 3:23).

THE LESSONS

We have to come to a place of complete and utter humility where we view our own life as filthy evil and wicked sin, because it is. So who am I to judge someone more harshly than God does?

Something else I learned from all of my studying is that the motto "forgive and forget" is a total myth and unbiblical.

Preparing for marriage, a pastor and husband of 32 years told me that you cannot recall every tiny thing your spouse does to irritate you or wrong you if you want to stay in love with them. He said that you will become bitter and unhappy and stressed and negative and everything you hate about humanity if you continually remember all the wrong. You have to choose not to recall it. It is impossible for us to truly forget what has happened to us, or even what we have done, but there is a difference in forgetting and choosing not to recall. We should make this choose because God does.

God is omniscient, all-knowing. He can never "forget."

Scripture tells us that God does not remember our sins, but further study at the wording there in the original language conveys a connotation that would read "chooses not to call them to memory." (Hebrews 10:17, Hebrews 8:12, Isaiah 43:25). For further clarity check out John Piper's interview on this topic.

So are we truly forgiving each other if we continually bring up what they did wrong in their past? No.

Another thing I see repeatedly throughout Scripture is that sin requires consequences, but it does not require abandonment.

God never abandoned His people, whether in the Old or New Testament. Those who sinned still suffered with whatever consequences their sin brought them, but God never abandoned them or commanded others to abandon the person.

Restricting a person is a natural response to sin that even God demonstrated. Moses was restricted from entering the promised land for disobeying God in his anger (Deuteronomy 32:51-52).

Removing a person, however, is not something God or Christ ever demonstrated. According to our human nature, we would say that Peter should have been removed from the disciples just as much as Judas was. But even Judas wasn't removed! Jesus offered him a choice at the Last Supper--to take the dipped bread and go do what he had intended or to not and stay.

My conclusion is that forgiveness and restoration are immutable.

The whole point of forgiveness is to restore the relationship! That's the whole point of salvation! Christ died so that our relationship with God would be restored. Sure, we are restricted right now in this life, and we still suffer the consequences for our sin that we commit on a daily basis. But when we make the choice to repent and continue following God? We are forgiven and restored with God. So we should be forgiven and restored with one another.

Forgiveness isn't just something that I have to do, and it's not even really something that I give to other people out of my own ability or possession.

Forgiveness is the gift of grace that God provides to the human heart, soul, spirit in order to heal.

So when we have experienced forgiveness from God through salvation and are able to personally heal from our own sin and issues that arise in life, THEN we are able to pass that on and extend that grace that was extended to us.

This truth is also why I would reject the common phrase (even in Christian circles) to "forgive yourself." We do not have the strength or ability apart from having experienced forgiveness from God to naturally and in our own power forgive. Also, forgiveness belongs to God. Only He has the power to heal us. We cannot heal ourselves from our sin. Therefore, we cannot forgive ourselves.

Claiming that we need to forgive ourselves implies that we do not have enough faith in God's ability to forgive our sins and move forward with life. If anyone felt like this it was Peter. He most likely even said that he would never be able to forgive himself for what he did. But CHRIST DID! And that was enough for Peter. The same Peter who went on to preach an incredible sermon recorded in Acts 2 where thousands received the gospel and believed on Jesus and received the Holy Spirit.

So who are we to decide that we will not forgive and restore someone in our lives whom God has already forgiven at the cross and restored at the moment of their repentance?

Finally, I see that God is a jealous and faithful God.

That means He is jealous of the truth regardless of who it surrounds or what the issue is.

Truth is, reader, God chooses to use sinners to accomplish His will. And we're all sinners. So if Christ chooses to defend the truth in one person that we may deem undeserving of our forgiveness, then we had better check ourselves. Because God apparently deemed them worthy enough to die for on the cross, to forgive, and to carry out His truth. Just study the life of Paul. If a man who blatantly murdered Christians could be forgiven and entrusted with proclaiming the gospel to the Gentiles (which is the majority of us, by the way) then we can certainly forgive someone else who has sinned and build a restored relationship with them.